Happy New Year's

Before the festivities begin tonight, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a happy new year. I have so much on my mind right now, that I'm having trouble narrowing down just exactly what I want to convey in this particular blog. So I may break my new year's blogs into several, just to break it up, so be prepared. The subject today is resolutions.

Everyone talks about new year's resolutions this time of year. I was taught through my diet program only to set obtainable goals, so that is what I'm going to do. So here goes - some of my hopefully obtainable goals:

1. I resolve to try not to let people get under my skin. Especially when these people don't matter a whit to me. Why do I let people bother me? Who knows, but it is constant struggle. If I can achieve this goal once, I'll be successful.

2. I resolve to try not to cry over people who wouldn't bother crying over me. I'll save my tears for people who matter. At least I'll try to. But if I get mad, all bets are off. I always cry when I get mad. It's better than hitting things, which is what I used to do. Crying is the least self destructive thing I can do when I'm mad.

3. I resolve to keep on working out in some way. There are so many way to work out.  I don't have to stick to one routine. I can change things up as I feel like it. It makes for all the more interesting workout. The important thing is to keep doing it. I'm may not be the skinniest, or the fittest, but I look pretty darn good for my age. All I need to do is continue what I've already done all year (except for the two months following my surgery, when the doctor wouldn't let me work out.).

4. I resolve to not get my heart broken. No, that isn't right. Maybe I resolve to allow myself to get into a relationship where there is a possibility of not getting my heart broken. My last few relationships haven't been the healthiest in most people's eyes. Maybe not even in mine. I have a problem, in that I don't particularly want someone around me all the time, and as a result I seem to attract who are not good relationship material. At least not the kind of relationship I ultimately need.

I have so much love to give to someone, and I spend most of my time just bottling it up so no one can get to me (or I can pretend they aren't getting to me, anyway). I also don't really have a jealous bone in my body. Not really. That is something I used to talk to my mom about. If I want someone who is not going to be jealous, I can't really be jealous either. I may get resentful at times, but I'm no hypocrite. With trust and honesty, this shouldn't ever be an issue. 

To complete this section, as it is important, there is nothing wrong with passing the time with a few wrong ones while looking for the right one. You never know when what is wrong may end up being right. I mean, I've had a lot of right ones turn out wrong...

5. I resolve to continue to look for and do things that will make me healthy, happy and whole. I will try not to hold on to things that are harmful to my well being.

6. Finally I resolve to take my life one day at a time and enjoy each one to the fullest. I will take joy in the small pleasures. I will try to not over-analyze everything and just relax and go with it. If I fail one day, I will resolve not to the next day. No recriminations.

Happy New Year!!!

A New Person...

Not too long ago I was taking a walk with a friend and we were chatting about various topics. Now I was wearing basically sweats and a t-shirt along with my new running shoes. Not looking too hot, but boy was I comfy.

At first I was talking about running. After the Rock and Roll, I was bitching about hating running, and never doing it again. Mainly because it hurt so much. After about a week I was missing it, so I changed my goal. Instead of trying to run 13.1 miles, how about two to three miles. I never ran the entire thing anyway, so my new goal is to speed up and cover shorter distances. And to maybe run for two miles straight. I was telling my friend this, and they told me that in a weird kind of way they were proud of me. I guess, I just don't want to lose the ground I've gained.

The subject somehow turned to shoes. First off, I was not with a female friend. So talking about shoes was not an everyday conversation. Over Thanksgiving I bought  a pair of shoes that are basically silver sequins and five inches high. They are pretty. They are "hot" to say the least. The women who have seen my shoes agree they are awesome. I've had two reactions from the two men who have seen them without me wearing them - one is hooker heels, and the other was just a jaw drop. They are really special shoes.

Totally Awesome Shoes!!!

So I was talking about my awesome new shoes, but not in the way you'd think. I was talking about what I was thinking buying shoes like that. Why do I keep buying heels? And four inch and above heels? I'm 5'8". I'm already tall. These shoes top me out at over six feet. I said to my friend, I don't understand why I keep buying these shoes. They are horrible for my back and feet, the cause of my knee issue (I fell while wearing heels and tore cartilage), and they hurt. I'm a casual girl, a tom boy. I like my sneakers and my sweats. Heels are not who I am. They aren't me.

My friend basically said to me, maybe they are who I'm trying to become, or I'm already becoming. A new person. A hybrid. Maybe I need to balance my exercise that brings out my tom boy side, with the ultra feminine heels. I still wear comfy clothes and slacks, but I'm more likely to grab the heels than the flats. I love the way it makes me feel, when I don't feel like a total giant.

Speaking of which, isn't it nice not to have to worry about someones ego? We were joking about trading someone in for a taller model. As a girl who has dated so many men my height, or shorter, I had to laugh about the guy who doesn't like his girlfriend to wear heels. I personally like a man who doesn't care if a girl is a little taller. It speaks volumes when they don't mind.

Getting back to the subject I was talking about earlier. This morning I grabbed my flat boots. The ones I have had since 2004. The ones I have changed the soles out on twice. I haven't been wearing them much lately because I got these awesome heeled boots. I've worn them shopping and everything. Guess what? When I put on my flat boots, I felt weird and short. It took me a little bit to get used to being so short. It was surreal.

So I ask you, am I a new person? Or am I just letting my inner diva out again? I'm not sure, but I can't wait to wear my totally awesome glittery shoes.