Saturday, September 15, 2012

Rambling thoughts

I just got back from a conference on Andrews AFB. It was strange because I was rubbing elbows with some pretty important people. In fact, one of those important people offered to help me with a few things. Introductions and the like. I was impressed and people who know him well say he follows through if he says he will do something. That could be very beneficial to someone close to me.

I digress again, as I often do. I started a post when I came back from my last TDY. I didn't finish it though because it depressed me. When I got to the airport there were people lined up to welcome their loved ones home, and it struck me I rarely have anyone waiting for me. Then I got depressed and stopped writing. I would like to revisit though.

I think back to "When Harry Met Sally." Remember when Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan start talking on the plane? He said her relationship must be new because in a relationship you only take someone to the airport at the beginning. Once you've been together for awhile and the new has worn off, they stop taking you, or being affected in any way by your trip. I personally wouldn't know. They only people who have taken or picked me up from the airport are my parents and some of my best friends. And I am always very appreciative because it means I don't have to leave my car at the airport. 

It is so very nice for have someone waiting for you when you get home, but at the same time, after being with my co-workers for 18 hours a day for the five days, it was so nice to come home to peace and quiet. I took a bubble bath, poured a glass of wine, then cuddled up with my cats and a good book. Bliss!!

Still it does make me sad to come home alone. I spent the entire flight chatting with friends online. That was fun. I had to check work stuff, so I sprung for gogoinflight internet. I have to say, turning on pandora and chilling out on my computer made the flight go pretty fast. Of course, the minute I land - nothing. It's peaceful, but lonely. 

While I was chatting, a friend made a comment that upset me on several different levels. The situation is so incestuous, I'm not sure which aspect is more troubling. There is such a thing as too small of a world. On one hand, I feel like it was a shitty thing for one of these people to do this to me, however if I know one of them (and I do, very well), they didn't have a clue. That person's brain doesn't work on that wavelength. On another level, the fact that they didn't consider my feelings bothers me a great deal. There are some things that are off limits, and this crossed the basic line most people have. On the other side of this, I think the other person involved is using the first person to get back at me in some way. I noticed dagger looks coming at me when they thought I wasn't looking. How better to get back at me for some perceived slight than to use someone they know I care about? And again on the flip side, I didn't think that person was so petty. I'm not usually so wrong about people.

I may be wrong about the situation, but the offhand remark from my friend about it confirms my suspicions. To tie my thoughts back together, coming home to an empty apartment last night gave me too much time to think about what I heard last night.  I'm not going to dwell on it very long, because it's not worth my time. I just needed to talk to out. 

I have better things to worry about than people who care so little for me. I'll save my time for people who do care and write off people who don't.