Saturday, August 25, 2012

Confidence

Based on a few conversations I've had or listened to lately, I want to address the subject of confidence. It is something that too much or too little of can really make a difference in how you are perceived. 

I've had a few people tell me I have swagger. This hasn't always been the case with me. I have previous blogs about getting back my mojo. I lost it for a long time. I joke that I left it in Texas, and didn't get it back until I moved home. I don't know what flipped the switch back on with me, but I do know I have more confidence now than I've had for years. This doesn't mean I don't have my moments of self-doubt and complete lack of confidence. 

I told someone, I know when I look good, but I qualify the statement with at least as good as I can achieve. I know I'm not someone strangers look at and go wow. I'm not going to be the girl someone picks out of a crowd. I'm ok with that. If my only purpose in life was to be beautiful, it might be daunting, but I'd rather people like me for intellect and dazzling personality. Those who really know me probably just snorted. I have a dry sense of humor and my honest, tell it like it is attitude turns people off on occasion. 

There are times when I do have swagger. And I can turn it on or off at will. I've also been told it's a sexy ability. Years ago, a very married friend said to me I could walk across a room like nobody else. He said I was just stunning. I was very flattered. And on that occasion, I had turned it on because I had a long walk across a not so crowded room and I felt self-conscience. Recently I walked up to a group of friends in one of my power suits and some sky scraper heels, and one of them just looked at me and said, "damn." It makes a girl feel good. I don't feel it most of the time. And I look at hot mess a lot. I'm ok with that too.

Lack of self-confidence can work against someone. No one likes when a beautiful person picks the one flaw they have out and focuses on it. It screams of insecurity. And when the same person is so supportive and complimentary of everyone else who pales in comparison, it can make you crazy to listen to. Why is that? Why do people do that? 

I have a friend (and I hope she reads this and keeps reading) who not only is beautiful, but she is good-hearted and loving and wonderful. One of the best people I know. I've spent our entire friendship faded in the background because every man we meet falls at her feet. She is amazing. I wish I could be as skinny and pretty and fit as she is. I wish when we went out, I was the one asked to dance every five feet. No - I'm the one completely ignored in the background. However, she doesn't believe in herself. She doesn't see what everyone else sees. And yes, she picks the one flaw and focuses on that. The truth is, if she didn't point it out, no one would notice. I love her and am amazed by all that she does. I just wish she would believe in herself the way those of us who love her believe in her. 

I mention this because it hurts me to see her do that to herself. To not have the confidence. Those who know her know she is a beautiful person inside and out, and to those who don't look past the outside, they are missing out. I'm afraid too many people only look at the surface, and have made her believe that it's the only thing that matters. And she won't let her friends pick themselves apart. She tells us we are beautiful and gives us confidence to believe in ourselves. If only she saw in herself what we see. And treated herself with the same loving, respect and acceptance she treats others with.

I have so many flaws physically, but I say fuck 'em, and do the best I can do with what I have. As a result, I appear to have confidence, which comes across as swagger. I will never be perfect physically, and I don't really need to be. I'm happy as I am. I'll have my down moments. I do feel bad about myself at times. 

We all feel bad about ourselves at times. The trick is to balance it. Don't be so full of yourself that you are annoying (no one is perfect). And don't be so self-critical that you only focus on the bad things. Everyone has good traits and bad traits, but a bad attitude can turn those good traits into bad and those bad traits into good. Find the balance and be good to yourself, and others will respond in kind.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Surprise!!!

Life is full of surprises, sometimes good and sometimes bad. The other night I was sitting outside on a deck and when I looked inside a house and got an eyeful of a bad one. I think I'm still traumatized. But I think it's the little surprises that make life a constant joy.

A good surprise is someone sending you flowers unexpectedly, for no particular reason. It's when someone, who remembers some random comment you made forever ago, brings you one of your favorite things just to cheer you up or comfort you. It's a call or an email from a friend you haven't heard from in awhile. The little things in life. Those things go a long way to helping us smile. 

Those are just examples. Maybe they aren't examples that work for everyone. They do make me smile. Heck, my boss brought us all flowers for something one day, and I smiled all day. My parents sent me a good luck plant the day before I had an important exam. That blew me away, mainly because they understood how important it was to me. I also have my good luck kitty beanie baby my mom gave me before another important exam. My kitty went with me to the exam. I perched him on my purse across the room so I could see him during the exam. I passed with flying colors. My kitty came with me to the second exam too, but he had to stay in the car.

I love it when you think something is going to go a certain not so good way, and then it turns out completely different in a way you never could have anticipated. A complete blindside that knocks you off your feet. This is my pessimistic self. Sometimes I can't image good things happening to me, even though good things happen all the time. I really am blessed in certain aspects of my life. In others, not so much.

I just felt like count my blessings tonight. I do have joy in my life, even if I don't express that emotion too much. Too often the negativity and realism comes out, and that is what I express instead of the happiness. 

I wish everyone the joy that comes from life's little surprises.