If you're sleeping, are you dreaming?

The lines to a song..."If you're sleeping, are you dreaming, if you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me." - Blue October.

I have been having the most vivid dreams lately. I don't remember the details after, usually, but I remember the subject. Most of the time my dreams lately have been so normal and everyday. Mundane really. The only thing out of the ordinary is they all have a reoccurring theme. Until tonight.

Tonight I dreamt I was forced to watch something. That something was painful to watch and not something I want to be put through. It was sparked by something I heard someone say last night that I couldn't get out of my mind. It magnifies a particular fear I have, caused by anxiety of a certain situation in my life. This is not something that plagues me every minute of every day, but something that crosses my mind from time to time.

Maybe the dream wasn't caused by the fear itself, but what I did last night. I let an offhand comment get to me and cause me to do something I said I wouldn't. I always do this, and I hate it. It shows weakness on my part. I do not like to be perceived as weak. I gave in to an impulse, that I once again regret. So here I am at 4:15 a.m. wide awake, on the verge of tears from exhaustion. I've been wide awake since two, and I wasn't sleep well before then. Definitely a toss and turn night.

I believe whole heartily that our dreams tell us things if we pay attention, though rarely do they speak the same language as we do. What they mean, who knows? I used to keep a dream dictionary close at hand, but it only works if you can remember your dreams.

Tonight's dream I wish I could forget. It was too close to everyday life, and not something I want to see in my dreams or in real life. My alarm is set to go off in 30 minutes. I've only slept about two hours. I'm not looking forward to this day, but at least if I'm awake I won't be dreaming.