I love you..

I love you. Three simple words. Words that can light up a person's life. Why are they so hard to say?

You might think that I'm talking about romance, but I'm not. At least not today. We all have so many loved ones, but how often do we actually say I love you to them? 

I think first about me and some of my friends. I used to shy away from saying I love you to anyone. I also wasn't real good with hugs. Up until a few years ago, there were only a few people I would hug. Mostly that came because of the pain I was in for so many years. Hugging hurt. Physically. Somewhere along the way I lost my ability to spontaneously hug people. I would bristle or pull back from people. Forget telling them I love them. 

A few things changed though. After my mom died, all I wanted was contact with someone. When my best friend drove to stand beside me at mom's visitation and the funeral, I clung to her when she arrived. I needed to feel someone. I, of course, hugged people I hadn't seen in forever who came to pay their respects, but having someone who didn't pull away was vital to me. At that point I started hugging my dad all the time. And saying I love you every time we talk. Life is too short and precious. 

Still, I hold myself back. Right before I moved to SA I had my hysterectomy. All of a sudden, I wasn't in physical pain anymore. I still bristled from hugging though. Then I moved here. Little did I know I moved to hugging central. I'm not sure if its the Hispanic culture, or the military, but all of a sudden everybody is hugging everybody. It took me awhile to get used to it. Now I hug all the time, and it's a great feeling. The other thing that really changed is I do not hesitate to tell my friends I love them. Life is way too short. 

Let's get back to family though. It's harder there. I love my family a great deal, and I'd go to the mattress for any of them, but still I hesitate to say I love you all the time except for my dad and my niece. Otherwise, I just feel awkward saying it. And that goes both ways. We don't really hug or anything. It's not because the love isn't there, it's just because we don't do that. I'm not even sure why. We all did with mom, but not really with each other. Now I hug the boys, but they're my babies (and my niece too). They are the children I've never had. I give them all the love I don't have an outlet for elsewhere. As it should be.

Why do we hesitate to tell the ones we love the most how we feel? What is in us that hesitates to utter those three little words. I mean, it's not like in romance where there is a fear of rejection, or lack of reciprocation. I know my family loves me, even when they don't like me very much. Yet still I hesitate.

The point of all of this is don't hesitate to tell your loved ones that they are indeed your loved ones. You never know when those three little words will brighten someones day, or make a life changing difference. I love my entire family, and I love my friends, each in their own way. We are all unique individuals. And everyone needs to know when they are cared about. This is a constant trial for me. Something I strive to do. We all should, because you never know when it will be too late to say those words that can change a life. Especially if they are heartfelt. 

Love you all! - Laura