The first thing is if you can get past my exterior, I love very passionately. Whether it's friends, family, etc. I will do anything for my friends. I will go to extreme lengths. I almost drove across the country one time to be there for a friend, but she stopped me before I went. All I could think is she needed me. Earlier this year, my dad had to be hospitalized. I drove off in a panic when I got the phone call, dead set on driving home. My dad talked me down, because he didn't want me driving in such a state, and then another friend sat with me that afternoon and evening while waited for a phone call.
The night my mother was first hospitalized, I spoke to my sisters before hand. We discussed how to get her to the hospital. We came up with a course of action, then they executed. I was going to drive right then, but they talked me out of it (six hours is a long drive along at night on a deserted highway). But I stayed up all night after they admitted her to ICU, then the next morning drove home. I flew home twice in near hysteria trying to get to my mom. Thankfully I didn't have to drive because I wouldn't have made it.
If someone needs help, I am there if they ask me. I go to extreme lengths at times. I ran out of work not too long ago to help a friend, and thank God my supervisors understood.
I don't say this to brag or be self-serving, it's just a fact. I was told recently that I need to learn to say no, and tell some people to get a life, but they really don't understand. I so seldom let people past my defenses, that those who do get there, I will do anything for. That's just who I am. This doesn't mean I'm not selfish, because I am. Sometimes you have to hit me over the head with it, but once I'm aware I'll go the distance.
This leads me to another trait of mine. One that isn't a real good. My mom used to say, that once someone crossed me, they could be dead for all the thought I'd give them. She's kind of right. Cross me, lie to me, double-cross me - forget about it. I am done with you. You may as well not exist. I am not a forgiving person. I'm not proud of it, but there it is.
I had a friend in college. Best friend. We were so close. We both got busy with our respective sororities, and didn't see each other too often for a while. Even though, our plans got canceled more often than not for months, I still considered her my bff, until one day. She was dating someone new, so I hadn't seen her in a few months. I was in a position where I wasn't allowed to speak to any sorority girls for over a month. Over Christmas, my friend got engaged. The bad thing is I heard the news from another person who wasn't supposed to be in communication with her. My friend had told others, but she hadn't told me.
After I was able to communicate again, I spoke to her and she said she didn't tell me because of the communication issue. And my response was, but you told the other people who were in the same boat as me. It hurts to find out your best friend is getting married from strangers. After that I refused to speak to her. I ran into her at a club one night and she tried to speak. I turned my back on her and walked away. Another friend told me she started crying when I walked off. I just couldn't forgive that she didn't tell me about her engagement. I turned my back on that friendship. I've also turned my back on a few others, who didn't meet my expectations.
The point of this is, I wish I could turn the other cheek sometimes. It would be easier. It would also be easier if I didn't feel the need to run and help those I do love. But I can't stand seeing someone I love in pain. I want to fix it and make it better. Not everyone can understand the need. I can't just tell someone to get a life. Not when that person has done so much for me. I would not have made it through my mom's death if not for my friends. It's not really much to ask for me to do a little bit for them. It just sucks sometimes.
However, don't get on my bad side. As one of my friend's said the other night, "I would advise them not to get you mad too often." Ain't that the truth? Lol
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