Five Love Languages

I read the "Five Love Languages" years ago. It was extremely enlightening as it explained some things about myself and others in my life. I think since I was single at the time, I never applied it my love life. Then I kind of forgot about it.

I've seen lots of postings about it, then had a long conversation with a friend about it this week, and a light bulb came on inside my head. Each individual person has something that they need from another person to feel happy and content. If the people in their life don't supply those things, you will feel discontent and unloved. 

The FLL are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Being human, we tend to automatically treat our loved ones as we would like to be treated; however unless they speak the same language, this rarely works. A relationship will wither and die if both parties aren't getting what they need to grow and prosper. When a friend of mine told me she was acts of service, I was like, "Of course." She is the kind of person who constantly does for others. Lord knows she has helped me so much. And she also is such a cheerleader for her friends, which leads me to my secondary love language - words of affirmation.

I need words of approval to feel happy. When all I get is negative, I wither. It is probably why I really don't like my job. No one appreciates me, even when I work hard and excel. I glow when I get approval from others. It's like food and drink to me. When someone is constantly criticizing me, I get insecure. I don't even need it all the time, just once in a while. 

My primary language is quality time. The definition of quality time is this:

"In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there–with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby–makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities." - The Five Love Languages

I blossom when someone gives me their undivided attention. When they focus on me or us. It doesn't have to be fancy, it just needs to be time where there are no distractions. I dated someone for nine months. We didn't spend lots of time together because we were both busy, but when we did, he was so focused on me. We'd cuddle up and talk for hours. Because most of the time we spent together was quality time, it was great. That man understood me in ways no one ever has, and it was addicting. 

The last person I dated gave me neither of these. Half the time we weren't alone. And when we were, he was so focused on himself, I'm not sure he heard a word I said. And he was so critical. I was a mess with him most of the time. I closed myself up. Not a good thing.

Now my lowest scoring love language is physical touch. I certainly like it, but I don't need it. Going back to an ex, he was extremely touchy when we were alone, but in public he wasn't. It didn't matter to me because he always made eye contact, so I knew even if we were in a crowd and he was across the room, he knew exactly where I was and was thinking of me. The problem is, I wasn't giving him what he needed. 

As far as receiving gifts, I do like them, but I don't need them to be happy. I also don't give gifts unless I find something that I know someone would love. I don't buy just to get a gift. I want it to mean something. 

I could go on, but I just wanted to give an overview. This book is worth the read for anyone. There is a kids version to help with understanding your children. The books can give you insights into yourself and those you love. Take the time, your life may be better for it.