Revert to Type

Everyone has a type. We all fall into some kind of category. And in this case, I'm talking about physically. 

I'm a curvy brunette/red head with a big butt. I'm tall, and in no way could be considered delicate. My ex-boyfriend said I was common. Someone like me could be found anywhere in Texas (brown hair and blue eyes). Needless to say, I got rid of him. Who wants to be with someone who thinks you're common? 

I personally find many different types of men attractive. As I said the other night about "The Voice," those three are three different levels of hotness. Blake Shelton is just adorable, Adam Levine is sexy as all get out, and Usher is just hot. As far as body type, I would tend to go towards an Usher, but as for looks and coloring, Adam Levine is my guy. Except he's way too skinny for my tastes.

The difference is there are many men I find attractive, but as far as attraction goes, I find myself reverting to the same type over and over again. This is not to say there aren't exceptions, but look in my photo albums some time. Many of my exes are the same type. 

Why is this? I think there is something in our genetic makeup that programs us to attracted to a certain type. Instinctually our bodies respond to one type of stimuli. I can't say some of my exes are what society deems hunks, but to me they are exactly what I want and need. Even the ones who diverge from my typical type, have similar personalities. I've dated quite a few engineers and computer people. This is because I'm attracted to way their minds work. That can be the biggest turn on of all.

Recently someone asked me if I was interested in a certain person. I'm trying to be cool, you know, and basically said I liked him as a person, but I wasn't sure if there was any chemistry. However, I admit (to myself at least), that physically he is exactly the type I go for. I just won't tell him that. I'm a little predictable that way. But someone who doesn't know my dating history, wouldn't know that. I've only been in SA for two years. Only a few people know who I've dated since I was in town, and could compare them. They all have something in common.

I think everyone has certain features in people they are attracted to normally. A butt man isn't going to go so someone skinny, and a boob man isn't going to be satisfied with bee stings. I don't particularly like skinny men (my last ex had the skinniest legs, and I hated them, but his upper body made up for the skinny legs). I like to feel - not delicate - but dainty. So a man who can pick me up, does it for me. I am tall and I'm not skinny. A man who can make me feel like I'm nothing does major things for me. 

So, as always, I revert to type. And oh what a type!!!

Timing is Everything

I was just thinking timing is everything. You meet a person, someone you could spend your life with, but the timing just stinks. You're in a relationship, they are in a relationship, one or both of you just got out of a relationship. One's ready, the other's not. There are many reasons.

Timing is everything. Once upon a time, I became close to someone who I cared about very much. For almost six years we were around each other periodically. Part of the time we lived in different places. Other times, we were dating other people. The one time we were single and in the same city, he had just found out his girlfriend of two years had been cheating on him, and they had just broken up. He told me he wasn't ready, I started dating someone else. Then the next time he called, I was unavailable. We kind of just gave up then. He married someone, and I was genuinely happy for him. The next time I saw him I said congratulations and gave him a hug. 

I think if it was meant to be, it would have happened. I mean, six years??? I spoke with him not too long ago, and he told me he had nothing, but fond memories of me.  Same goes for him. I loved him to death because he made me think. We were so different though. Night and day. 

Even since I moved here to San Antonio, I've had a few bad timings. I asked a friend if I was stupid for trying to make something work with someone. The friend said he didn't think the guy was bad for me, just bad for right now. Before it would work, we had to get into the same place, and that never happened. It still makes me sad, because he was the first person I loved in a long time. To this day, he understands me so well. Not too many people get me on that wavelength.

If you don't want the same things at the same time, it's a useless endeavor. It's never going to work. If you both just want to have fun, keep it casual, that usually works. If you both want to settle down, that usually works. If one wants to party, and the other doesn't, it's a recipe for disaster. And if one want to move away and the other wants to stay, you are just begging for heartache.

Timing is everything in life. You can meet the perfect someone, but if the timing or the intentions are off, it is never going to work. I'd like to say it gets easier with age to recognize this, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes you just want to give it a chance to see what will happen. Sometimes you get too far in before you recognize the danger signals. 

The point is, you have to take the chance sometimes. You usually don't know until it's too late, that you aren't on the same wavelength. It takes time and effort. If you are lucky, you can take a friendship out of the relationship. Because even though the timing may suck, you may have gained a friend for life. 

Night ramblings

Why is it I get more talkative at night? It is almost 1 a.m. and I'm wide awake. I've been chatting this evening and I just can't unwind. 

I swear the more tired I get the more I talk. I have a few friends who are night owls, and many times they call me and we chat late at night. Once I get going, I can't seem to stop. Usually because we have the most interesting conversations. Something about the night makes me braver in that I'm more likely to say or do something I wouldn't consider during the day. I think it's because I forget to care about propriety. 

I will discuss almost anything. Chat forever. And I usually don't start these conversations. I blame it on damn computer games. I log on long enough to check the status of something or do something and I'm hit. And I forget to turn my computer off, so it shows me online when I'm not. But then I get a notification on my phone. This is a bad thing. I can't seem to unplug. 

Oh well. Since I'm up and rambling anyway, I thought I'd update the blog. I've been trying to find something interesting to write about. My life is semi-boring right now. But I am alive and well AND happy most of the time. I have a few stressors in my life, but I'm tying not to let them get me down.

Good night.

Five Love Languages

I read the "Five Love Languages" years ago. It was extremely enlightening as it explained some things about myself and others in my life. I think since I was single at the time, I never applied it my love life. Then I kind of forgot about it.

I've seen lots of postings about it, then had a long conversation with a friend about it this week, and a light bulb came on inside my head. Each individual person has something that they need from another person to feel happy and content. If the people in their life don't supply those things, you will feel discontent and unloved. 

The FLL are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Being human, we tend to automatically treat our loved ones as we would like to be treated; however unless they speak the same language, this rarely works. A relationship will wither and die if both parties aren't getting what they need to grow and prosper. When a friend of mine told me she was acts of service, I was like, "Of course." She is the kind of person who constantly does for others. Lord knows she has helped me so much. And she also is such a cheerleader for her friends, which leads me to my secondary love language - words of affirmation.

I need words of approval to feel happy. When all I get is negative, I wither. It is probably why I really don't like my job. No one appreciates me, even when I work hard and excel. I glow when I get approval from others. It's like food and drink to me. When someone is constantly criticizing me, I get insecure. I don't even need it all the time, just once in a while. 

My primary language is quality time. The definition of quality time is this:

"In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there–with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby–makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities." - The Five Love Languages

I blossom when someone gives me their undivided attention. When they focus on me or us. It doesn't have to be fancy, it just needs to be time where there are no distractions. I dated someone for nine months. We didn't spend lots of time together because we were both busy, but when we did, he was so focused on me. We'd cuddle up and talk for hours. Because most of the time we spent together was quality time, it was great. That man understood me in ways no one ever has, and it was addicting. 

The last person I dated gave me neither of these. Half the time we weren't alone. And when we were, he was so focused on himself, I'm not sure he heard a word I said. And he was so critical. I was a mess with him most of the time. I closed myself up. Not a good thing.

Now my lowest scoring love language is physical touch. I certainly like it, but I don't need it. Going back to an ex, he was extremely touchy when we were alone, but in public he wasn't. It didn't matter to me because he always made eye contact, so I knew even if we were in a crowd and he was across the room, he knew exactly where I was and was thinking of me. The problem is, I wasn't giving him what he needed. 

As far as receiving gifts, I do like them, but I don't need them to be happy. I also don't give gifts unless I find something that I know someone would love. I don't buy just to get a gift. I want it to mean something. 

I could go on, but I just wanted to give an overview. This book is worth the read for anyone. There is a kids version to help with understanding your children. The books can give you insights into yourself and those you love. Take the time, your life may be better for it.