A Small Measure of Peace

It is probably obvious to anyone who reads my blog, or my Facebook posts, or especially my tweets, that I have been on a gigantic roller coaster for months. My ups and downs have been epic. There haven't been a lot of in-betweens. 


I have been trying to work through a particular situation I have found myself in. In November, you may have caught a blog about losing a friend. Well, this situation was indirectly, or perhaps directly responsible for the loss. My friend didn't really approve. I really think when it still wasn't resolved after two months, she couldn't deal with it. It has been over six months now, and nothing much has changed. Except everything has changed. For better or worse, I think resolution will come soon. In some ways I don't want resolution, but mainly because I'm a coward who would rather stay with the status quo than risk making a change. At least in the case.


Last night I prayed about it. This is not something I do very often, and talk about even less. I pray for others. Usually small, quick prayers. I rarely let it all out there. I actually have prayed very little since my mom died. I think I prayed when I was trying to quit smoking, and when I was pondering the decision to accept the job in San Antonio. Other than that, I don't really remember much. I prayed a little last summer, as I do at times, to help me figure out if I was doing the right thing. That particular prayer is one that has been reoccurring most of my life. The funny thing is that it was answered in a way it had never been before. Seriously I've asked for the same thing at various points in my life, and last summer was the first time I got an answer. It led me to where I am right now.


I have been troubled this week for a few reasons. After a few events this week, my worry and self-doubt have escalated. I'm perplexed and frightened and unsure. And I did all I could do, and now I get to wait. I am doubtful the outcome I desire will happen, as much as I would like it to occur. I'm afraid to get my hopes up as I don't want to be shattered. I'm in turmoil. 


Last night I handed my worry over to the only one capable of handling it - GOD. I prayed for the strength to let go of my worry. I prayed for resolution and a small measure of peace. I can't worry about it anymore. I have so much worry in my life, I need to learn to let go. I know that isn't completely possible, but I feel more at peace then I have in a long time.