I am two weeks out from my surgery. If you are reading this you most likely know what surgery I had. I had a total laproscopic hysterectomy and a bilateral oophorectomy.You might not actually know about the second part. I am slightly traumatized by it.
I've known I would probably need this surgery since I was diagnosed with endometriosis on February 23, 2000. I knew I probably wouldn't ever be able to have kids of my own, now that is official. It has been a long, very painful journey. A journey I'm glad to say will be over soon.
Most of the pain is gone, I just need to police myself to make sure I don't backtrack. At this point I can only lift five pounds. I need someone to take me shopping and carry my groceries. I can't lift up the bag of my cats' food to feed them, or put litter in their litter box. I'm pretty helpless right now. Please excuse me if I'm cross or if I yell (or even hang up on you). I wasn't prepared for full blown menopause at my age. I also don't like being helpless or bored.
I know people do not know what to say to me right now. I'm sure there are lots of people feeling pity for me. I feel sorry for me a little too, if that is possible. But unless you are a woman under 40 with no children, who just got castrated, please do not say to me you know how I feel. You don't and you never will.
There are things you need to know about me right now. Please know I'm ok. Mostly. I cry...sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. I miss my mom so much, especially right now. I'm scared to death about my dad. I'm nervous about my new job. Scared to move to such a big place. Sad about the loss of my ovaries. Angry about being in menopause. Basically I've got a lot of emotions swirling around in me. I'm a little erratic and unstable. But know this, too...I'm also stronger than I've ever been. I'm starting a new life soon, and I'm ready.
Have a great day!!!
I feel weird reading all this about you. Almost like a stalker lol. Even though I don't know you well, I love reading your witty comments, and I must admit I love being a witness of your journey. Watching you making all this changes inspire me. You are a very strong woman. Your daddy is very proud of you. I am very happy for you. I think the blog is a great idea. I have always wanted to have one. Maybe one day I will ;-)
ReplyDeleteI suspected that was the surgery you had. I cannot imagine how rough the journey's been. You hang in there.
ReplyDeleteYes. It is such a pain. I'm adjusting. I just wish I hadn"t had to happen. From the first time I found out about my problem, I said 35 was my cut off for temporary measures. I made it two years past 35. Not too bad.
ReplyDelete