I'd Give Anything...Well Almost

"I'd give anything and everything to fall in love.
Just this one time I'd like to find what I've been dreaming of.
I could find someone to hold me, but it wouldn't be enough.
I'd give anything to fall in love." - Gerald Levert

At least the late Mr. Levert sang the song, even if he didn't write the words. You may or may not remember it. I do because there are times when I hear it and the resonates the longing I feel to not be alone. Those times are few and far between, but they do happen. If anyone tells you they want to be alone they are lying. No one really wants to spend their entire life without someone to share it with. Sometimes the burden of having no one to rely on is stifling. I feel suffocated by my aloneness at times. I never felt it more than when my mom died. Knowing my sisters had their husbands, and the kids had my sisters, and my dad had me and vice versa. However just once I would have liked to lean on someone. If it weren't for my friends, I never would have made it. However, as usual, I digress.

I don't really want to be alone. I would love to find love. I won't compromise myself to achieve that goal though. If it isn't true and real, then it's not worth much. Why would you pretend to be something you are not just to "catch" someone? I mean really, the bloom fades, and unless you are going to pretend the rest of your life, why would you pretend at all? If someone doesn't love you for who you are, then is it really love? It is also one thing to want to change something about yourself, but it is quite another to want to change everything about another person. We need to spend more time accepting people for who and what they are, and less time trying to change them into what we want them to be.

An acquaintance of mine, who will most likely never see this said recently that it just goes to show you that there truly is someone for everyone. I have to believe this is true. Otherwise I would go crazy. This week I have been very down. Everyone seems to have it easy and finds someone. Even some of my currently single friends have been married or lived with someone or something else. I sometimes feel like I'm a freak. If I didn't know how difficult it was to be around me, I would really go crazy. My mother, a very wise woman, once said I need someone stronger than I am, or else I will never be happy. No offense to anyone I may have dated in the past, but it's true. I do not want to walk all over someone. I want someone decisive, who knows what they want. Someone who will allow me to sit back and let them make a few decisions. Someone who is patient enough to break down a few walls I might throw up unintentionally.

I am happy most of the time. I can take care of myself. I just sometimes wish someone else would take care of me. In the meantime..."I'm searching, but there's no one that I care to talk about. All the lovers in the world, don't amount to much all I really want is one true love."

Sorry for being so sappy. I know it's not really like me.