Stranger than fiction

I usually try to create provocative titles for my blog, but I'm not feeling too creative tonight. I won't even pretend I had a great Thanksgiving. It wasn't bad, but I felt claustrophobic for some reason. I tried to schedule some "me" time, but it didn't work out too well. So I came home early, and I'm so glad because I am exhausted. However, that is not why I'm writing today.

Why is it we can be open and honest with complete strangers, or people we barely know? Why can we discuss things we might not want our friends or family or significant other to know with a stranger?

I spent Friday afternoon texting with a friend I haven't seen since I was 18 years old. I asked him to beat someone up for me facebook style. This request ended up turning into a conversation about things I really needed to talk about. It just happens that this particular friend has experience with the thing I was wondering about and he answered some questions for me. He also directed me to some reading material that might assist me. Today he even suggested I talk to someone else who might be able to help me even more.

Regardless of the subject, which I will  not discuss here, there is someone else I should be discussing this with, but I don't and won't. I will go into intimate details of my life with people i barely know rather than confront things head on with the person I should be talking to about things. I am a chicken. I can talk about anything with anyone except the person I should discuss things with. In fact, I'm pretty sure I lost a friend I've known for 20 years because I told her something she didn't like and then she stopped speaking to me. I got punished for sharing something. I've shared the same thing with a few other people and although they are worried about me they are supportive and encouraging.

It is a fact that we either completely abuse the people we love verbally (believe me I don't lose my temper with strangers often), or we talk to anyone except them. I'm shy and sometimes I hate verbalizing what I'm thinking. There is something I really need to discuss with someone right now, but I don't know how to get to the subject. If I had the opportunity, I probably could, I just might have to hid my face under a pillow while I'm doing it. 

How is it the people we love get the brunt of our bad stuff, but at the same time are the people we have trouble really talking to. Heart to heart talks are called that because that is exactly what they are. The problem is, most of us can't handle the intimacy of the heart to hearts.

I really don't have an answer or a resolution to this question. I know I need to talk to someone, but I can't. So in the meantime some "Strangers" are getting to listen to me and my problems. And sadly, every single one of them is male. I feel like I've reverted back to high school. Then again, these guys were my friends back then too. Most of them anyway. Thanks my friends, for listening to me. Maybe sometime soon I will work up my nerve enough to talk to the person who really needs to hear what I have to say.