I have been down lately. I admit it. I've reverted back to the glass half-empty. The truth is I don't do well when I'm unsure. I flounder when my goals are uncertain, when I'm scared, when I can't figure things out. Basically all the time.
I love to know things. I believe all knowledge is good. I can't stand not being in the know about something. It really drives me nuts. I admit I'm in a state of unsurity right now. I don't know what is going on, I'm being kept in the dark about things, etc. Basically I have no clue what is going anymore.
My problem now is I am a coward. I'm afraid of the answers I'm seeking, therefore I avoid the problem. I don't ask questions because I'm afraid I actually know the answers to the questions. I am currently driving everyone who talks to me crazy. Mostly because I hate confrontation. So I am running in circles like a hamster in a wheel making no progress whatsoever in resolving the sourse of my unease.
So now you know my secret, I'm really a non-confrontational coward. There will come a point when my patience at a lack of resolution runs out. At that point it's likely I will run away. Mostly because I'd rather run away than risk losing my temper by confronting the source of my frustration.
I really am a chicken. There you go.
i am just catching up on your posts... i love reading your blog! i just wanted to say even though I havent been around you in 20something years (?)... just what i do know of you and from "knowing" you via facebook, i wouldnt characterize you as a chicken in a million years. i think sometimes we fall into the trap of seeing ourselves as what we fear we could become or a characteristic we might dislike in ourselves... we focus in on any indication that it might be true because we dont want it to be. i dont know if i am making sense... just my thoughts... but i certainly would not say you are a coward...
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