Friends and Good Times!!!

I was trying to explain to someone recently about my tendency to hang around guys as opposed to girls. In recent years, most all of my friends have been women, but there was a time in my life where guys were the only ones who talked to me. So in high school, I hung out the guys. Before Arkansas, I hung out with the guys. Now I'm a little more balanced with my friendships.

If there is anything more hard in life for me it is making friends. Not acquaintances, but real friends. I know I'm a little off. I either internalize my feelings or I blurt things out inappropriately. For example, last night I was upset to say the least. Show nights are hard. Very nerve racking. I usually am the first one to arrive so I can get ready in plenty of time. I like to relax and prep. Last night I was late. I admit to crying and screaming. I did my makeup and hair before I left my apartment, but by the time I got there my makeup was smeared and my hair had fallen down. I arrived and put my headphones on to rock out while preparing. I danced around and sang to internalize and resolve my hurt. After that I was ready to go.

Back to friends...The other night I was embarrassed after some of my fellow cast mates sang a certain song to me/about me. Although there was no basis to the song (I am not old enough for that!!!), still the fact that they would say that about me knocked my on my arse. What did I do to deserve that? I went home on Thursday night and started a marathon of instant messages and calls. I posted on Facebook that I was embarrassed and everyone and their dog started asking me about it. So the whirlwind began. My apologies in advance if I use your name.

Lee first hit me first. I instant messaged him and he told me just to F*** it, forget what people are saying and have a good time. Good advice, Lee. I will think of it every time I embarrassed. I then talked to my good friend Tom, who is also the director who gave me the confidence to sing. I told Tom about the serenade, and after a few minutes of giving me a pep talk the theater person in him just said - that is "so freaking cool." He seems to think it help bond the cast, and said he never seen something like that. I love you, Tom!!! You made me laugh and look at it differently.

Then I instant messaged a few other people - B.S., A.R. and a few of my friends from Arkansas. I was sick so I took I codeine and passed out. However I was wide awake at 3 a.m. Then enters John. I got back on my computer and there was John. He is so sweet. He ended up calling me and we talked until after 4 a.m. He gives great advice and he is wonderful to talk to. I thank him for being there to help me talk through my current situation. He is an amazing person. And I've never even met him. In fact, the other night was the first time we have spoke. Talk about a rare friendship.

I thank everyone who spoke with me in some way the other night. I was seriously brooding, and you lightened me up.

Tonight I have more friends coming to the show. Two very good friends. My cyberbully is bringing his wife and son (have fun at the San Antonio Zoo today!!!) and my little sister, Becky. Becky has been chomping at the bit to see me in play for years. I hope neither are disappointed.

Thanks my friends. I do not know what I would do without you. And to some of the new friends I have made through this show - let's do keep in touch. A good friend is hard to find, and I really feel I found a few good ones.