The past few weeks I have been posting my blog like crazy. I started my blog to give myself an outlet to excess emotions. To blow off steam or get things off my mind. Lately, I've been using to work off nervous energy.
Why nervous energy, you ask? I hate unbeing unsure about how to proceed on a course of action. I really hate not having all the information available in any given situation so I may form a plan and adapt my actions based on the factual info gathered in order to arrive at the desired outcome. MY desired outcome. I like to be prepared, know all the players and their motivations, and go into a situation armed with knowledge.
I am a researcher. I can find information like nobody's business. If the information is available, I will find it, especially on the Internet. So if I don't know about a certain subject, or I want to know more about a certain subject, I research. The best way to be prepared is to arm yourself with the best weapon imaginable -- knowledge.
I am very good at finding obscure information. And I have an insane need to know. And people, really, if you put it on the Internet it really is searchable. My researching abilities are legendary among my friends. Half of my friends think I should put my investigation skills to work for the FBI and the others think I am a cyberstalker. However, despite my super sleuthing skills nothing is better than talking. Not texting, not emailing people, but actually talking. Text and email leave too much room for misinterpretation. Written words can too often be miscontrued, without the visual cues like eye contact and body language.
So this weekend I have thrown out my research and actually had a conversation with someone. The unsurity is gone. I can really see clearly now and that is a good thing. Maybe talking is a valid method of research. Who would have thunk?
Wow, I completely understand and agree! Typing can only go so far when expressing emotions etc. and talking about it can really help. But one of the main problems about this is that you have to actually find someone you can trust and talk to and who will listen first. I did have a blog, but then I've kind of given it up... I didn't feel as secure so I went back to keeping a journal. But after writing everything down, I still don't feel that all my emotions have been expressed and in the right way. I'm so happy for you that you have friends that you can talk to. :) But what I hope is that you don't stop this blog. And I'm trying to say (type) this in the least-possible stalker -ish way, but reading your blog is one of the the things I look forward to the most. :) And I so totally get what you mean by cyber stalker. If I ever want to find someone (or something) to keep in touch etc. I go on the internet and one way or another I manage to find them... Which admittedly is slightly worrying now that I think about it...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm glad you've gotten all the unsurity out of you. :) I completely understand what you mean about dislike having the information to make a decision as only God knows how many times I've done that only to find me kicking myself about the outcome.
But like I said, I hope you don't discontinue this blog as I love reading it, but at the same time I'm happy that you've found an alternate way of dealing with things. And thanks for telling me it works. Now I just have to find someone who will listen and understand me. :\
Anyway, I've blabbered an essay so I'm going to stop talking now. :P Sorry about this (I tend to go on and on about things without meaning to).
JYC